Welcome to

The title of this article is a quote from William Congreve who also wrote the following:

Heav’n has no Rage, like Love to Hatred turn’d, Nor Hell a Fury, like a Woman scorn’d

Obviously this is a man of great wisdom.  Indeed the time comes when many of us make the choice to cleave from those who have nurtured us and kept us safe in order to join ourselves to another (Gen. 2:24) in that ancient institution… dare I say, made in Heaven?  Of course marriage is made in Heaven, yet so, the saying goes, are thunder and lightning.  We can see this even in that couple so hopelessly made one that she was literally formed from his own flesh (Gen. 2:22).  Yet even in this Eden of a marriage came temptation, blame, and turmoil.  Let us study what makes fools in love STAY in love as I continue in my V-day inspired series on love (a real risk for a conservative to take ;-)  Read on –>

Many have offered the insight, or been the recipient of that digging phrase, “Looks like the honeymoon’s over.”  But no matter how bad the cliche, it still rings of truth.  The late American journalist Mignon McLaughlin had this to say in her circa 1960 work The Neurotic Notebook:

Pity all newlyweds.  She cooks something nice for him, and he brings her flowers, and they kiss and think:  How easy marriage is.

I have enjoyed marital bliss for a little over five years now and although the honeymoon is past, I think we still do pretty well.  For our fifth anniversary I showered my unsuspecting bride with romantic gifts and gestures and must have done something right because I read a favorable writeup of the event on her blog along with some smiling comments.  Isn’t that the modern day equivalent of shouting your love from the mountaintops?  But even such a lothario as I has to realize that at times the fever pitch of love cools to the 98.6 of routine.  I also understand that anything you don’t nurture and feed will become, well… as cold as a corpse.  Irish born playwright, George Bernard Shaw put it in this rather devestating framework:

When two people are under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions, they are required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and exhausting condition continuously until death do them part.  ~ Getting Married, 1908

No pressure folks, no pressure at all.  So how do such raging passions get doused?  It would seem that while God sees marriage as good and honorable, the Devil sees advantage in it as well.  Nothing hurts more than a wounded marriage, and the tempter has many tricks.  Lets take a look at papa Adam and mother Eve.

There was Adam in the cradle of life and civilization in the midst of all the untainted glory of God’s creation with himself as the shining star and in the midst of all this splendor Adam was utterly unfulfilled (Gen 2:20).  So soon enough Adam awoke to find himself missing a rib, but finally complete as he rose to walk hand in hand with his helpmeet, his bride, his friend and his lover.  So what could possibly go wrong as they set up house in this beautiful garden and lived together in such a blissful state that they were absolutely unashamed in one another’s presence (Gen. 2:25). 

First problem, they were apart (1 Cor 7:5) and the Devil took this opportunity to speak to Eve and to tempt her.  Satan understands that once we have become one flesh with another, our defenses are only half as strong when he can find us apart.  He tempted her with knowledge and power and she bit.  As always happens when you share part of yourself with another, your sin affects them as well and sure enough, Adam was led into temptation as well.  Suddenly, this beautiful union became rife with shame, blame, and turmoil. 

The marriage state, with or without the affection suitable to it, is the completest image of Heaven and Hell we are capable of receiving in this life.  ~Richard Steele, The Spectator

We must not be ignorant of Satan’s devices (2 Cor 2:11).  If he can find any way or anyone to come between a husband and wife, he will do just that.  When I said my vows to my wife, before God and many witnesses, I also spoke another vow.  A vow that Satan would not ever drive a wedge between us, that our bond would be so strong that if Satan attempted to push us apart, he would find himself bruised again (Gen 3:15) as we pull together even stronger than before.  I love the words of English author and minister Sydney Smith who sagely said:

Marriage is like a pair of shears oft times working in opposite directions, but punishing anyone who comes between them.

Strength like this takes time to develop, time that I pray I will live long enough to invest and see its fruit born.  I love and agree with the statement of author Iris Murdoch who said, “there is no substitute for the comfort supplied by the utterly taken-for granted relationship.”  It is a beautiful thing to come home and be so secure in your love for your spouse that you can go through your evening routine with barely a word spoken between you and yet still fall asleep with the assurance that the person laying next to you is rapturously in love with you.  But the devil can even use this beauty and routine as a stumbling block to a happy marriage.

I have heard a married lady say that once her children grew up and moved away that she found herself living with a complete stranger.  In pouring all of their love and affection and time into their children for 20 years, they no longer knew eachother.  How terribly sad. 

As a Christian, I find few things more enthralling than finding some new little tidbit of information about God.  In studying my bible or listening to a sermon, sometimes I am struck by some beautiful new aspect of the God I serve and I think we all strive to learn more of him as time goes by.  Let us strive for the same with our spouses.  Let us revel in observing some new little habit or in ferreting out some fun little piece of trivia from them.  How fun to know someone better than any other soul on earth and yet still find new things to love about them.  Love at first sight is easy, but loving the same face day after day takes dedication.

One of the good things that come of a true marriage is, that there is one face on which changes come without your seeing them; or rather there is one face which you can still see the same, through all the shadows which years have gathered upon it.  ~George MacDonald

So please, don’t give the devil a chance.  For heaven’s sake, say something nice to your spouse.  Break from routine every now and then.  Use one of the beautiful quotes I’ve used in this article.  Take your inspiration from the one who created both love and lovers!  Find inspiration in the Song of Songs [although you may want to rephrase some of these things and refrain from telling your lady that her hair reminds you of a flock of goats (song 6:5) or that her nose looks like a tower (song 7:4)].  Men, find inspiration in the admonishment Paul gave to the husbands of Ephesus, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.”  Ladies, find inspiration in the virtuous woman that Solomon so lovingly describes in Proverbs 31:10-31.  We must find the balance between a comfortable taken for grantedness and a fiery passion…

And don’t forget to make sure that your life in the bedroom measures up to biblical standards as well.  It was God himself, not some wishful husband, who inspired the words, “Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband,” and, “Marriage is honorable before all, and the bed undefiled…”  But perhaps more on that some other time.

Marriage is a beautiful thing, and if that makes me a fool, a happy fool I’ll be.  It is my approach to go about preaching the pros of marriage rather than the sinfulness of divorce and this pathetic word for a marriage lost has up to this point been left out.  But I want to close with one last quote that I believe casts divorce in a positive light:

You can never be happily married to another until you get a divorce from yourself.  Successful marriage demands a certain death to self.  ~Jerry McCant

~JW, for thegospelfortoday.com

Previous in series Next in series

Popularity: 24% [?]