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I realize the Hallmark Holiday has already passed and I only managed to squeeze in two posts on love before this happened, being my blog, however, I don’t really care.  I believe I will just declare this love month and dredge right along with with my labor of love.  So with out further ado, let’s talk about talking.

I brought up Adam and Eve in my previous post and want to talk about them again now.  I think that a lot of this couple’s problem was that they had a breakdown in communication.  They were apart from one another, which made communication impossible and they evidently had not communicated to one another what to do if there was some sort of trouble in paradise.  Had Adam communicated to Eve to come and find him if she ran across anything unusual (like a talking serpent) or making any rash decisions (like eating the FORBIDDEN fruit) then perhaps this could have been avoided.  How?  Let’s communicate further –>

In order to have a good relationship with your spouse, there HAS to be communication.  If you’re a husband you’re probably thinking, “What’s the big deal,” on the other hand if you’re a wife you’re probably thinking, “Absolutely right.”  The husband is meant to be the leader and the head of the home and therefore he ought to take the lead in making sure that there is proper communication taking place.  “This is getting a little more serious,” says husband.  “We’re doomed,” says wife. 

And we are doomed if men do not step up.  Communication cannot only go in one direction by its very definition.  It must be a two way process.  When we communicate with God in prayer, we are answered.  When God communicates to us through His word, we respond to Him with obedience.  Without response and discussion, there would be no relationship.  This is true of ANY relationship we have in this world.

It seems that wives are always willing to talk and we must be willing to join the conversation.  Its not just a simple matter of talking either, its talking the right way at the right time.  We all communicate in different ways in different situations.  We communicate differently at work than at church, between bosses and co-workers, between children and adults and so on.

You see a husband has to be able to communicate effectively in a number of different ways.  You must talk like a businessman to keep your family financially stable, like a motivational speaker when times are tough, like a preacher when spiritual matters are discussed, like a bodyguard when safety is at stake, like a romantic when the passion ebbs, and like a leader throughout.

We can see examples of failed communication in the bible and take them as a warning.  Take king Ahasuerus from the book of Esther.  After partying like it was 1999 for a week and getting about as drunk as you can get without your liver shutting down, he then remembered that he had a wife.  In fact, he had a very beautiful wife and wanted to show her off before his group of gassed buddies.  Needless to say, she did not appreciate what he was communicating and let him know she would not be responding.  He still did not learn to communicate with her and instead became angry and shoved her out the door.  This breakdown still did not teach him to communicate because he fared no better with his next wife, Esther.  When Haman got himself all bent out of shape because the Jews wouldn’t bow at his feet like the rest of the heathens and asked the king to decree that the Jews all be put to death, Ahasuerus agreed.  He hadn’t communicated with his wife enough to know that decreeing death to all Jews included his own wife!

We have examples of good and pleasant communication between husbands and wives as well.  How about Ruth and Boaz.  Before they were married, Boaz made it very clear to Ruth that he was a kind and benevolent man and was able to provide and willing to step up to bat for her.  When he saw Ruth in his fields, picking up the bits of grain that the harvesters missed so that she and Naomi may have something to eat, he instructed the harvesters to leave some unharvested for her.  He then went to the relative who would have been in line to take care of Ruth and redeemed this right from him, so that Boaz himself may have her.  This was good communication and definitely showed Ruth the type of man he truly was.

In the new testament we have a few sporadic mentions of the same couple, but from these snippets, we can see that they had a good grasp on communication.  We first see Aquila and Priscila when Aquila has brought them to Corinth from Italy to flee harm, showing that he was a husband who was able to lead to communicate with his wife what they must do to be safe (Acts 18:2).  We later see that he was evidently skilled at communicating spiritual things as well and studied with his wife, because both were able to study and discuss the scriptures with Apollos (Acts 18:26).  Husband and wife must have communicated well because their home was sound enough and strong enough that this was the place where the church chose to meet (1 Cor 16:19).

 As you can see, there is a vast chasm between relationships with good avenues of communication and those in which such roads have been shutdown.  Luckily, further than just having general examples of good and bad communication, the bible gives us specifics as well.  I will leave the specifics for the actual sermon outline that I have posted at thegospelfortoday.com as its a bit lengthy for the average blog reader’s attention span, but I want to talk about one, that, to us men, may very well be the most grievous command in the bible.

Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.  ~ 1 Peter 3:7

Do you know what this is saying?  This is a command for us to understand our wives! 

Yes, you read that right.  This is a monumental task.  I know a lot of ladies that don’t like the idea of being submissive and of the husband being the leader, but as difficult as that role may be sometimes, certainly it cannot compare with the expectation for your husband to actually understand you!  But men, its high time we start trying. 

We have a duty to communicate with and to understand our wives as much as possible.  The two become one flesh rather easily, but the joining of minds is only easy for Vulcans.  For those males of the human race, its just gonna take a whole lot of talking, so get off the computer for awhile and go ask your wife if she wants to gab, I guarantee she’ll agree. 

A breakdown in communication can very easily lead to a breakdown of the entire relationship and soon enough any communication will have to be done at $200 an hour through an attorney.  So turn off Dr. Phil, Dr. Laura, and the rest and read a little Dr. Luke (as in the gospel of Luke) because all you ever need to know about how to have a great relationship with your wife is in the bible, not even the Oprah show can trump that.  Communication is key, now take the key and see what doors might open for you!

*Edit:  I found this post today (2/26/07) from a fellow blogger.  He is a Church of God man, and someone who I’m certain I would have many doctrinal disagreements with, however, on the topic at hand, Mr. Smith and I are very much in agreement.  Here is his article on the topic for some additional reading:  Satan’s Plan for the Family: Divide and Conquer*

More to come on love… I’m on a roll now, I’m thinking maybe ‘tainted love’ for my next topic, whatdya think?

Praying for understanding,

~JW, for thegospelfortoday.com

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